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Anonymous <3

Rebecca Paxman

Back when I was 19 years old, I went to live with my grandparents 3 1/2 hours away to get away from an abusive relationship I was in. All was going well, I had a job and a new life there. I was able to see all of my aunts and uncles more often. I was happy. 3 months had gone by, and I started having trouble sleeping. I told my grandparents. My grandpa suggested I take some of the pills he took on a regular basis to help him sleep! He explained it was all natural and it should help me sleep without feeling groggy the next day for work. I was hesitant. But desperate for a good nights sleep. So I said "sure why not." He gave me a clear pill with two of the same pill inside of it. (that should have been a red flag.. but this is my grandpa.. why would I not trust him?) so I took it. I went down stairs and started brushing my teeth. ..Thats all I remember. The next day, I went upstairs and he said "How did you sleep? You fell asleep on the floor in your room. I had to pick you up and move you to your pillow and tuck you in. So I'm guessing the pills worked! haha" Right off the bat I was appreciative that he moved me to my bed instead of letting me sleep on the floor all night. But then I found it alarming that I have no memory of laying on the floor after brushing my teeth. And what was even more alarming is that I woke up without anything on. But I thought about it and convinced myself that I must have gotten hot in the middle of the night and taken everything off myself. The next night, I was out back hot tubbing with a friend. It was around 1 am. Some guy made is way around the house to the backyard and said very hesitantly "Hi, i'm looking for Mike.. with the parts" I was so confused. No one lived there by the name of Mike, and what was "parts" code for..? My grandpa saw out the window that he was talking to us and came out back. Again, the man repeated, "I'm looking for Mike with the parts." My grandpa said "Uhh.. i'm not Mike. But you could come in and we can figure out who you're looking for." I knew it was fishy. I knew my grandpa had a past. But I was sheltered from it. I didn't know much. I just thought he worked through it, my family forgave him and moved past it. I had a pit in my stomach. But still thought "he is my grandpa. Why would I not trust him?" so after my friend left, I took the piIls and with to sleep. Night 3.. we finished dinner in the kitchen. My grandpa went upstairs to get ready for bed. My grandpa asked if I was ready to take the pills again cause he could tell I didn't get much rest the night before. I told him that I was okay. I had gotten an over the counter sleep aid from Walmart earlier that day so I didn't have to keep taking his sleep aids. He INSISTED that I use. We went back and forth for a good 5 minutes. I refused to take no thanks for an answer. Pretty soon I started getting that pit in my stomach again. What could have been so important that I take HIS pill rather than my own? I told him that I caved and I would take his. He gave me two just like the first time. I pretended to pop them in my mouth and drank my water and he stared at me. He started talking to me about the most random stuff. Just going on and on as if he wanted me to stay upstairs so he could monitor me. He kept pausing to ask if I was getting sleepy yet. Eventually I pretended that it was starting to kick in so he would let me go downstairs. I laid in bed that night talking with my ex on the phone. I heard him coming down the stairs. Terrified he would catch me talking to my ex who I wasnt suppose to be contacting, I put him on mute and hid the phone under my pillow. I pretended to be asleep as he walked in the room and around to my bedside. He turned on the lamp to check that I was sleeping. I felt him pulling the sheets down. My heart started pounding. I couldn't hold still. I pretended to wake up. He got startled and tried to act like he was just tucking me in again. I asked him what he was doing in my room and he said that he was trying to find my keys cause he needed to go to Walmart. (....Walmart? at 1 am??? I didnt buy it) but I told him they were in the same spot they always were. He left my room and I told my ex what happened. He thought it was weird but didnt think much of it. Til I explained what happened the night before. Then he sounded concerned. 20 Minutes later, I hear footsteps coming down the stairs again. This time I hung up. My grandpa snuck in my room thinking I had to be asleep by now. Again I feel his hands on the sheet. I pretended to wake up and again and ask what he needed. He said he still couldn't find the keys. I handed him the spare from my purse on the night stand. He went back upstairs. Again....... 20 minutes later, he came back down and into my room. Thinking I was asleep, he started pulling my sheets down. I felt his hand at the bottom of my shirt. I immediately sat up and was stern, asking what he wanted. He said "I just wanted to make sure you were asleep. I don't know why you'd still be up. He knew I knew.. He left the room. I locked the door. And was up the rest of the night. The next morning I called my grandma from my moms side and asked if she wanted to grab lunch. She came and picked me up. The second i got into the car I told her what happened. She immediately called my mom and said "THAT SON OF A BITCH. HE'S DONE IT AGAIN!" ...What does THAT mean? Apparently he had a history of drugging girls, doing who knows what with them, and taking nude pictures of them, and selling them.. This was all news to me. I thought my grandpa was a good man. a changed man. trustworthy.... but I was so wrong. After talking to my uncle who is a pharmacist, turns out the pill he was giving me is called Zolpidem. Also known as "The Date Rape Drug." And he was giving me double the amount he was prescribed himself. (He's a pretty big strong guy.) I never told my uncle what is was. But when I asked, he thought I was in some kind of drug deal and said he wanted NOTHING to do with it and no information. When I walked away, my grandma told my moms brother what happened. At that moment he felt obligated to call the police. I had just enough time to bag up all of my stuff and get out the door before they showed up.. the police called me and asked for a statement. I could imagine putting my own grandfather.. my dads father.. in jail. I couldnt give a statement.. The police couldnt arrest him without one. After this day, all of my aunts, uncles and cousins were told that I was a liar.. unstable.. a a pathological liar. No one in my dads family will speak to me to this day. I know that those three nights, I had angels surrounding me.. keeping me asleep. Keeping me from the consciously experiencing what was happening to me.. The night I pretended to take those pills, I know I was lucky. Had I let him get far enough before realizing I was awake, who knows what he would have done to keep me from telling people.. He is well known in his hometown, and very successful. I don't doubt he would have done what he had to, to keep what he did to me, a secret.. For years I have felt like it was my fault that my dad can no longer have a relationship with his dad or siblings (They've chosen not to talk to us). This still does and always will haunt me. But everyday gets a little easier. Especially with the support of others who have experienced similar situation. Beck, its amazing what you are doing.. I have so much respect for you. Keep it up girl <3

From Utah


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