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We are not worthless

Rebecca Paxman

I recently asked my audience, "What do you want to see up on the blog?" Majority of them responded to my suggestion of me making more individual posts as well as survivor stories. Don't get me wrong, I want this blog to be mainly about these strong women and children who have been a victim in someway. I intend to have Havenly not about me, but about women and overcoming trials. It always blesses me immensely to hear how my survivors overcame the toughest moments in their life. Women empowering women!

Yesterday, and today, have been really hard on me. I have been bed ridden, too tired, too hard on myself, and too scared to continue. I know I am beginning this journey, and I may not be everyone's style, but it is HARD being so vulnerable AND not making a sale everyday. I should be lying and saying, "hey I am rolling in the dough," and "I am successful." But I am gonna be honest with you, I don't feel successful. I know deep down that is a complete lie, but how can I feel successful if I can barely cover my rent and car payment? How can I feel like I am doing good when my donation goal for April was only 1/3 of what I had hoped? I quit my job to make Havenly my full time job! Well, life is hard and can so easily make you depressed. And the darkest parts of your mind, make you want to believe you are worthless. I am here to remind myself and you, we are not worthless.

I had some amazing women reach out to me last night that made me think a little more positive. One even expressed how when she was asked to think of a strong woman, she thought of me. I cried. I still can't even express how much these all touched me. Every single one of you who reached out to me last night, proved to me that I am making a difference. I know that even just talking about hard things out loud, and making $165 to donate to Victim Advocates, makes me successful ENOUGH. I am not even a month in and I have already made that much for a cause?! That is hard and I did it! I just know a year from now, I will be helping so many more victims and women who reach out to me.

I know that my depression and poisonous relationships, just want to see me fail. I am sure some of you can relate to this at least at one point in your life. Well, if the poison is reading this, I am not going to back down from making this cause my life. This is my full time job, this is my new life, and I am damn proud of myself for even opening up and surviving all that I have. I shouldn't be so hard on myself for not making sales, when I know my voice is still being heard by these women and making a difference. Thank you for these women who have opened up to me. You are helping me heal. I just hope I am helping you heal too.

Love always,

Becca


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